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User blog:The Flatwoods Monster/Unfriended vs The Craigslist Killer - Epic Rap Battles of Horror Season 4
Hello everyone, and welcome to yet another god damned episode of Epic Rap Battles of Horror. Todays matchup, Wonder loves! lol nah anyways, some fun stuff is going on here. We've got Phillip Markoff, the Craigslist Killer battling it out with Billie227, aka the ghost of the tormented Laura Barnes from the hit movie Unfriended in a battle of online killers from recent movies based on true storys that both... looks at smudged writing on hand... make cyanide? That doesn't sound right. Anyways, this is my SECOND battle to use a real life killer. Is that a good thing or not? Probably not. Anyways, the next battle is a truly monstrous one featuring Drakan and Joey so look out for those. Between this battle and that one, we have an off-season 145.5 million years in the making. And, more SSB content, tourney battles and one parody coming up sometime soon, so be ready for all that nonsense. That all aside, enjoy this cyanide-y goodness. Beat Instrumental - Angels and Demons Billie227 denoted by these colors Craigslist Killer denoted by this color Introduction Announcer: EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HORROR! VS! BE-''' '''(The announcers call drops and he is cut off by the beginning of the battle) The Battle 'Craigslist Killer:' (Phillip is typing out an advertisement of Craigslist) Tired of Paranormal Activity spin-offs? Then sign this! When I spit, I skip rhymed shit from annoying advertisements You want a dissed shy bitch? It's yours, for only a couple hundred dollars! (The Craigslist Killer flips the table with his computer over) Murderer, robber and stalker makes the success of this toddler look smaller! I find your terrible tactics gross, but only unnerving at most This lazily-written slasher’s as spooky as Casper the Friendly Ghost I’m no sucker for a summer blockbuster who thinks she knows how to scare, Whose main murder method is a mean game of truth-or-dare A ho goes toe to toe with my flow and like your brains, you’ve blown it Forget drunken despairing scenes - THIS is your most embarrassing moment! So I offer this service for free to you, so let’s talk, You’re small and topped by the Mall Cop and this victim’s Mark’d Off 'Unfriended:' Keep ur eyes flipped up, Phillip, Trojans arent the only thing installing Tonight, we r going 2 play a game - Laura Barnes is calling. u’ve got a Date with Death even if ur sentence says Life -Time ‘Cause u’ll be getting Fry-ed when my Revenge Comes Online, GUESS WHO!?! '' It’s the rap spitting apparition! Here for '''YOUR demise! Run from my rhymes like your problems? Just TRY! You sign off, you DIE! Flows like bleach '''''RIPPING through your stupid face! Abused in this new race, Asphyxiate you with hate that chokes you worse than any shoelace! There’s no war in Warwick, a warrant called on your conspiracy But then they say you couldn’t hurt a fly and now I see they meant LYRICALLY I’m not your customer, you blood sucker, this time YOU pay the fine My Cybernatural cipher’s masterful, and I’M TAKING'' YOU OFFLINE'' 'Craigslist Killer:' Did you just rap that? You asshat, go kill yourself for me! You’re a labrat cashgrab! Add THAT to your Snapchat story! You deserved everything that happened to you! ''So eat another dose of lead! There is no Extended Edition, so maybe this time ''you’ll STAY dead! 'Unfriended:' Bitch, I’m as alive as ever! Hotter than the wires around your neck! Reveal this rap and Markoff’s dead! Spreading my wrath and YOU’RE NEXT! Getting heated? THAT'S YOUR WEAKNESS! Devoid of all uniqueness! and when your defeat goes VIRAL - NOTHING ''will be left a secret! 'Craigslist Killer: (The Craigslist Killer has his back turned to the camera) Who’s that pair of cold fingers sneaking their way through my door? Am I mental? Am I crazy? I CAN’T TAKE IT ANYMORE! No family, no friends, blood on both my name and my limbs (The camera zooms out to show him standing on a stool, rope around his neck.) So I take my final bow and pray the world forgives - (The stool is yanked from underneath him and he begins to choke) ...me for my sins '''Unfriended: Looks like he finally shut the FUCK up, and YOU got to Suicide Watch it But with him both dead and gone, I’ve got this victory in my Pocket But I can’t forgive you! So let me end it all myself... ''I’M NOT FINISHED WITH YOU YET! '' (Laura holds up a gun and puts it to her head) ''YOU’RE ALL GOING TO HELL! '' A gunshot is heard) ... ... ... (The Announcer rejoins) 'Announcer:' Phew, stupid internet connection! Alright, I'm back and -''' '''... ...uhhh ...that's not good. ...so uhh... who won? who's next? you decide...? epic rap battles of... (looks at smudged writing on his hand) OHH, silly me! that doesn't say Cyanide, it says Sui-''' '''... um... ... horror. Outro Who won? Laura Barnes The Craigslist Killer HINT TO THE NEXT BATTLE: It's Lon Chaney vs Borris Karlof, okay? Category:Blog posts